Catch it at spark, not wildfire
Almost nobody can stop a wildfire with breathing exercises. The whole skill is noticing earlier — and there are usually several minutes of warning before things get loud.
Every time you catch it one stage sooner, that's the work paying off. It won't feel dramatic. It's still the thing that changes everything.
HALT+
The classic four, plus the ten that quietly wreck a day. Tick anything true right now.
The emotional fire
Five stages. Each one costs more than the last, and each one is harder to step out of.
✨ Spark
A flicker. Slight tightening, a small 'hm'. Most people don't notice this one at all.
Name it in three words. "That stung a bit." That's often the whole intervention.
Costs you: ten seconds.
Every wave rises, peaks and falls
The physical surge of a single emotion is surprisingly short — unless we keep feeding it.
Rise
Chemistry floods in. It feels like it will keep climbing forever. It won't.
Peak
The physical surge of a single emotion burns through in around ninety seconds if you don't feed it.
Fall
The body starts clearing it — as long as you're not re-telling the story on a loop.
After
Tired, shaky, maybe tearful. That's the wave passing, not a new problem.
You don’t have to stop the wave. You only have to stop pouring petrol on it for ninety seconds.
Conversation traffic lights
A shared language for two people mid-argument.
Slow down
- ●Voices getting faster or flatter
- ●Interrupting
- ●Absolutes creeping in
- ●Heart rate up
"I notice we're speeding up. Can we slow this bit down?" Then actually slow down.
Escape routes
Not “don't do that” — what to do instead, with your hands, in the next two minutes.